My Identity

"Hello Doctor ! I am Myna's mother. Could you please ... " on goes Smita's telephonic conversation with their family doctor whenever somebody in the family is sick and the clinic is not open. She is more popular as Myna's mother with the neighborhood doctor, in the building that they stay in etc. The fact that Smita is working in a multi national company, has colleagues, has her own friend circle etc; in no way matches the contentment she feels when addressed as Myna's mother. 

Smita's identity as a mother is as old as her daughter, though her identity as a person is as old as her age. But still, like most mothers, her happiness knows no bounds whenever she is known as her daughter's mother. Maybe it is the identity of being a mother that a woman cherishes the most. Maybe a woman lives her life again as a girl through her daughter; whatever be the reason, a woman loves being identified with a 'life' (read child) that she holds in her heart.

The thought made her think about 'my identity'.

A baby has the best established identity in the family. All members welcome the baby and center their activities as per the baby's needs. Babies are used to be waited upon. Gradually though, this situation changes. Baby blossoms into a child and establishing an identity among friends takes precedence. A child loves being identified for individual behavior and being the teachers pet is like cherry on top.

As a teenager, a child becomes more rebellious and assertive and tries to find identity as a group. Getting known as one member of a group / gang, ensures the identity of all like-minded set of friends. Teenagers begin to shy away from teacher's attention. They take pride in shouldering tasks between their group but responsibilities at their home; is simply not their cup of tea. They enjoy basking in the glory or the shadow of the group. Parents' show of affection embarrasses them; contradictory to their behavior as a child.

An adult on the other hand has a different personality, maturity ! They gradually take on responsibility of self, family, career, their mistakes, etc. It is this adult phase that makes one think - for the self, family, friends, society and so on. And think they must. Think on political, social, professional, personal etc issues. They easily adapt to their roles as a working professional, relaxing son / daughter, enthusiastic friend, loving spouse, proud parent. Somewhere in all this socializing, the importance of self identity gets less and less as compared to that of a child. What began as being the 'center of attention', now transits to being the 'provider of center of attention'. The adult becomes more caring and aware of the needs of others.

This awareness on others' needs; is what defines and chisels our identity. No longer does an individual crave for attention, rather he / she gives attention by way of observation. The sense of identity is in relation to the environment.

At work, a person is more about defined duties in the professional capacity. A subordinate would love to be appreciated for his effort and work whereas it is expected from the superior to look after the subordinates, encourage them etc. Employee benefits, promotions, bonuses, etc are important but a pat on the back by a superior goes a long way in boosting one's confidence and esteem.

At home, a spouse or parent or individual has more to do about steering the life through uncharted territory. This uncharted territory brings about the true nature of self. Children look up to their parents for such guidance in life. Materialistic things do bring amusement and sense of prestige in a family but it is finally the emotional well being of a family that holds the members together and goes a long way in providing the necessary comfort to a child.

Smita represents the many individuals who know the value of emotional connect among-st humans and environment alike. Her husband, daughter, relatives, friends; all contributed in shaping her personality. Even the small animals helped her identify the joys of being in their company. Her small balcony garden provided the experience to watch plants grow and flowers bloom.

The squirrel shrieked on her kitchen window for food and brought Smita back to her surroundings in the morning rush. The cat meowed at the door for some milk and Smita was trying to do justice to all while packing three lunch boxes. At home, nobody addresses her as 'madam' like they do in her office, but strangely she feels more required here, at her home. Her identity sees fulfillment as a person, mother, wife, daughter, sister and so many relations that we cherish.

The Hara Bhara Kabab

Visiting any restaurant, entails lots of planning, especially where kids are concerned. The ambiance has to be just perfect to keep the kid(s) engrossed in the food variety as well as the interior designs or props such as the commonly used fish tank. The amount of happiness of the parent is exactly proportional to child's engrossment in the dining area surroundings or the child's engagement with the food plate ! 

It was one such evening at one of The Kamat Hotel, that the three of us; my husband, our seven year old daughter and myself; that saw us looking at the menu card. The occasion was our eighth marriage anniversary and the choice of venue was unanimously decided. After answering umpteen questions posed by our daughter, related to the fishes kept in the fish tank, we were finally able to read the menu. One of the item was hara bhara kabab that my husband liked and ordered along with a few other items on the list. 

It was now a question of waiting for the waiter to bring our order. I was looking out towards the kitchen. At that instant, I saw a waiter carrying a plate of some unknown food with some glowing tomatoes. I was surprised at the nice, elegant and glowing tomatoes where a candle each had been placed in the carved out tomatoes. I was instinctively taken in by the dish and thought, "Wish we had ordered this dish ! It would have been perfect for our anniversary celebrations". I turned to face my family and could not resist speaking to my husband, "the lady is so lucky to have such a thoughtful husband". 

Lo and behold ! The waiter brought the dish with the brightly lit candles placed in the tomatoes and surrounded by the hara bhara kabab. I was speechless and my expression said it all. My husband had the biggest smile with his mouth full of his favorite, the 'Hara Bhara Kabab'.

Parle-G lock kar diya jaye !

Parle-G and biscuits are just as synonymous as Xerox is to photocopying. The need to satiate hunger with a packet of these popular and common biscuits is not uncommon. A get together at home followed by 'chai' and parle-g is very entertaining. And more so when we five friends were pursuing a degree in Physics during the early nineties when pocket money was minimal and the finest form of enjoyment meant the company of friends who would add on to the fun, discussion, comments etc with equal gusto. 

It was one such afternoon when we were done with our lectures and were waiting for the chemistry practical to begin; with two hours to spare. Some time was utilized in discussing our plans for the evening but then all vehemently agreed with Purvi for some biscuits. The canteen wala had run out of all biscuits and so we '5 star group' - that's what we called ourselves; decided to buy it from the shop across the street.

"Arey chalo, dhoop ho rahi hai" said Jalpa whose fair skin would have indeed lost the charm due to the tan. 

It is quite funny to see five head turning girls, cross the road; each having her pace and style of road crossing. Finally we all reached on the other side of the road and Sunayana quipped, "Hamein chemistry lab ke liye lock and key le jane hai, yaad hai?". "Mujhe toh nahi malum, meine suna nahi lagta hai",  I was always the absent minded types. "Chal oye, koi baat nahi", Appu was quick to get the group going. 

We asked a shopkeeper for the biscuits and he nodded his head negatively, we asked him for five locks and he gave only the two remaining ones. It suddenly dawned upon us that the whole class would have ransacked the market for so many locks. This was a panicky situation and called for desperate measures. We split in two groups and went in different directions to search for biscuits and three more locks. We found the required things and pooled in some money to buy them. There was a packet of biscuits for Rs 3 and locks for Rs 5 each. Now another problem arose, what if the other group also bought the same things in same quantity. (Mind you, there were no mobile phones to communicate !)

Purvi offered a solution, "toh kya hua, dukaanwale ko bole ke lock wapas kar denge !" Hurray, our job was done and off we went to look for the other group. I wondered if we had mentioned our common point of meeting each other, but I dared not speak. God laid my doubts to rest as I heard Jalpa say "woh rahe, wahan khade hai, chalo".

Within ten minutes we all were seated under the big ashoka tree of the garden at Faculty of Science, Maharaja Sayajirao University of Baroda. The extra packet of biscuits was no challenge for us and even to this day, I fondly remember the day when the parle-g biscuit was locked in our hearts, for life. 

Punching in the dark ...

Nothing is as restricted and effervescent as the boxers punching each other in a boxing ring and nothing is more charged and verbal as the audience watching the boxing match. Pity goes to the boxing referee who needs to be constantly alert and on his toes to avoid getting unintended punches. Protocols are strictly practiced to ensure that the match stays restricted to the boxing ring only. But, life is no boxing ring; it has no boundary; nor does it have well defined opponents; neither does a referee step in to give oneself a breather; nor are friends and family to run to. One has to forge through the difficult and exult in triumph, with the heart and soul of the pure hard worked mind. 

These days, most people organize life around their job; not job as part of life. Career or job and family have lopsided equations, with jobs consuming major chunk of time and energy. No wonder the ill effects of fast life has decelerated the human species. Though, wise people have succeeded in balancing both aspects and managed to maintain an equilibrium to ensure peace and contentment. 

My pity to those who are clueless about their own aspirations, requirements and wants. The struggles at ones workplace and the need to constantly outdo the peers, toppled with their egos and compounded by family issues, makes one wonder, "who am I fighting ?".  Ain't I sapping my energy and effort in struggling with unseen forces. The problems faced by my friends and colleagues and their expectations; are a constant reminder of how power is misconstrued. 'With power comes great responsibility', so goes the saying; but what about the uncertainty and unforeseen situations?; ain't it to be concerned about.

The scenario with superiors is no different; with their interests more in getting things done and accomplished. Their need to perceive the bigger picture, has no place for small personal issues and petty problems. Their perception about various cultures, people and personality; is as firm and strong as a mountain. The mountain is not easy to move or budge. So grudge, a worker must. It gives rise to the need for compromising power and position with peace and presence. An article in The Times of India on 'why women have jobs not careers'; confirmed this thinking.

A woman has a lot to balance, home, husband, children, pets, grocery, jobs, peers, superiors; and gets immense satisfaction in small things such as a clean home, happy talkative children, involved partners, playful pets, beauty treatments, informal discussions with peers, appreciation from superiors; who needs to keep on struggling with proving oneself at work and progress up the corporate ladder at the cost of losing out on so much happiness? Who would enjoy punching in the dark, not knowing when the other's fist hits you? The suspense and fear of being hit, is not much to look forward to. 

Success : Measurements & Perspectives

                                           

Success : Measurements & Perspectives

Introduction : It is perplexing to define success. The term and its relevance, varies from individual to individual. Hence the difficulty. Most of the time, success is assessed as per present or near future needs. Students perceive success depending on their educational evaluation, professionals do so in terms of performance benefits; senior citizens consider themselves successful depending on the completion of their earthly responsibilities or their health etc. In most cases, the notion of being successful, changes or rather metamorphoses as per situation or age or personality.

For the discussion of this article, the evaluation for success is on the basis of defining the measurements or parameters and then looking at the perspectives of others or self; depending on the situation. The definition of parameters itself is an individual opinion for what one may consider as important may not exist at all for the other. At the same time, the perspectives are also quite relative for they depend on who is it that one considers important for the frank opinion.

Context : The idea of success is relative in nature. Eating in a gold plated dish with rich heavy  food is a sign of success whereas eating in earthenware plate a simply cooked menu is success for others. Some prefer branded clothes to define success whereas some believe in local brand clothing. People build grand palaces or own many houses as a sign of opulence whereas others enjoy minimalist living as a sign of richness. Success indeed lies with the individual.

“For some more is less for others less is more.” 

Anyway, to make matters short, the article takes into consideration the role that an individual has in life and family; say self, daughter/son, sister/brother, mother/father etc. as the parameters for measuring success. By perspective, my discussion has been from the other person's eyes which  could be taken as opinion / judgement / study.

Childhood / Teenager : As a child, most of us remember doing good in studies, working as per parents wishes, inculcating good habits; these were seen as success. Most will consider themselves to be successful. Differences in opinion about the measure arise from our notion of success, whether getting good marks, being awarded for curricular / co-curricular / extra curricular or being recognized for some special abilities that reflect the education in us.

Our family members also take pride in the individuals that we are today. And the most important part of growing up - Friends; these are the ones who though few in number, are those who take you for what you are. If one gets a chance to meet the teachers and neighbors, then they will always have pride in their eyes for you. As one says : “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. Same way there are differences in perspectives of people that convey a different personality altogether, so a friend might know you as a mischief maker, but to a teacher you portray as a sincere student, to the parent’s you probably reflect much of the laziness. 

Profession : 'Love your job and not your company'. This saying and various factors has made people look at career and not job; as a way to grow professionally, personally and socially. Financial growth has proved successful with most of the materialistic things realized too quickly. Socializing among colleagues, neighbors, friends, family has taken a new form ie through social networking applications. Compared to our childhood, here the number of groups and friends may be large along with our inclination to live in a virtual world but lesser time for listening to individual or others problems. The change in the aspect of networking has just realized the dangers of technological modern world that most of us face. 

The number of perks or promotions or the position in corporate ladder may be a sign of success for 

some whereas for others getting acknowledgment in the social arena / world may be the most  rewarding factor. There are individuals who get recognition from society; not through and certificates but through acknowledgment. Indeed this acknowledgment can be seen equally for a good or bad man but I am sure that the good man begets awe and respect out of love and not out of fear. 

Family : This is truly the acid test for being successful. For women, it is more to do with keeping the home and family together. Children view their mother as a confidante, expect her for good cooking, need her to be present before them and so on. Other family members keep the woman on  her toes with all their demands and expectations. The woman accordingly has to take on various roles to run the house with an iron hand and warm heart. For men, the stereotypical husband image has changed drastically to be the new age man who has to learn to work in the house and look after the children too. The demand on the man of the house is more towards planning. Men and women are successful depending on the perspective. If you ask your parents - they definitely consider you successful. If you ask your in laws - they may consider you successful, probably a little more critically. If you ask your kids - they simply love or hate you depending on their mood

 swings. Defining success is a tricky situation - it's the innermost peace and confidence that reflects success. 

Self : Each individual has learnt to take some time from the busy routine to call it 'mytime'. This  is very important part of the life. We all try to pursue hobby or take up an interesting activity to acknowledge our need for self gratification. A well realized hobby gives rise to a secondary career too. Success in this case is truly measured as it involves only the individual perspective and nobody else's biased opinion or judgement. No wonder activities like exercising, meditation, music, dance, trekking, etc; all provide the fuel to an individual’s realization of success. Haven't we  heard from senior citizens about them having good health and being independent, as their perception of success ? The others have their own perspective of a senior citizens’ situation. 

Indeed, defining and analyzing success is very complex. The desire to succeed is even greater in the individual but in what aspect as discussed above is what needs to be thought about.

Drawing Competition

It is with great pride and joy that I narrate my experience about a 'Drawing Competition' that my daughter participated in Pune that truly drew the crowds to her work. The competition, organized by Maharashtra Times in five different venues at Pune, saw a large gathering of enthusiastic children of various age groups between 8 to 13 years. All children were engrossed in their artistic skill while the parents kept an eye on their ward and chatting with other parents.

The appointed photographer had a great landscape to capture; with innocent faces, concentrated eyes and busy hands, the children provided him with a perfect blend of emotions to be clicked. Though, I noticed the photographer quite away from my daughter to notice her work, which I otherwise would have loved to be clicked.

Anyway, after about an hour to spare, my daughter had nearly completed her painting when one good observant lady pointed her out to others, mentioning the beauty of the painting. A group of people soon started to notice her and her work. I was an observer to this; all the while feeling very proud and happy; I resisted from mentioning our mother daughter relation, for I wanted to soak in each and every compliment given to her. At last, when the people had settled and nothing more was to be said, I mentioned casually that the girl they were talking about is my daughter. All mentioned that indeed my daughter has exceptional talent. Parent who were into similar area, even pointed out that the techniques used by her are quite difficult to learn and implement.

At the end of the drawing competition, I realised that one participant had succeeded in drawing not only a beautiful picture but also had drawn together all strangers in their admiration of her drawing. 

Stealing Time

I enjoy reading literature, novels, science fiction etc. which at times makes me so much engrossed in the book that I am oblivious to my surrounding. This hobby of mine was though kept in the closet as the demands from the job and family grew and continue still, though their nature has changed. Now with a teenage daughter, I have found myself with some time to pursue this hobby of mine during 'my' time which I manage to find when either all are watching TV or I am not in the kitchen. Frankly speaking, I also enjoy watching TV but I am not a couch potato. So I am gifted with 45 minutes or so when I engross myself in the book.

I have read many books on / by Three Investigators, Jane Austen, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Agatha Christie, Sidney Sheldon, Sudha Murthy, Dan Brown, Chetan Bhagat etc.
I also remember the school library where things used to be proper and books were revered. We used to have a library class when the books had to be selected as per our roll numbers. The last of the number students got less popular books. It was one such day when I was left with a book titled 'Scarlet Pimpernel'. The name and author were not known to me but anyways, reading came naturally to me and by the time I had finished reading it, I was glad that I was given the book. Till date the book still remains in my memory and I enjoyed reading it.

The same situation now presents itself these days, when my daughter gets such lovely books from the school library that I read them within a week. In fact, I have started looking forward to Mondays when a new book will reveal to me and I will steal some time from my daily routine to enjoy this hobby of mine.

Along with the reading habit, I have also explored my writing abilities through this blog. Expressing views and opinions and experiences has become so easy and far reachable that indeed one gets heard. But at the same time, the truth is that all want to say, speak and talk but none wants to hear, listen and converse. Blogging is a way out of this and I am glad to be a blogger.

Happiness

My job in academics has given me ample scope to explore, develop and take pride in myself as a teacher, researcher,  instructor, colleague, friend and many more roles that get intermittently demanded when there are events, hectic schedule, examinations etc. As a result of these demands and situations, I have learnt to rely on my patience which in turn has given me opportunity to be a good observer of human nature and actions. The insight into the nature of people from different walks of life, reveals very interesting dimensions to mundane problems. I recall one such experience about a young woman who would sweep and clean our college department. All in the department would call her Alka Tai, though she is very young.

Alka Tai, a very vibrant and smiling woman is not more than 25 years of age. Her tragedy, that she is a widow; is completely hidden by her eager talk and confident exterior. She has a 6 year old son who is the sole purpose in her life. She stays with her in laws and works from morning till evening to keep her home on running wheels. Recently, she mentioned that her brother in law got married and his bride would be like a good friend to her in the house. In fact, after a couple of months, Alka Tai did mention that she now has less work at home and it feels good to talk to another woman of similar age. We all were very happy to know about the developments in Alka's life.

One day, though, Alka Tai was sweeping the floor without her warm smile. We all asked her the reason for her being so glum. Alka was more than eager to talk about her feelings. She mentioned that she had all along wanted to go to see the Ganpati pendals in Pune city since 3-4 years. But she had to suppress all her wishes because being a widow she did not want to ask her then unmarried brother in law and nor her in laws, who were growing old and would have found the long walk trouble some. And though after welcoming her sister in law with all her heart, she found that she would not be able to accompany the newly weds. We all tried to cheer her up and mentioned that the new couple needs to spend time with each other; she might as well take her son with her. But Alka Tai was not to be pacified as she went on that her sister in law would not agree to go for she needed to study for her coming examinations. This was a surprise to us all as a couple of hours of family time would not have made a dent in the examination schedule which was in fact 15 days later. Anyway, we all did our best and suggested that she plan the outing with her few women friends.

The next day, Alka Tai was her radiant self again. Her effervescence prompted the obvious question from all of us. To this Alka Tai replied that indeed she had visited all the Ganpati pendals in the vicinity with all her women friends who all got together and had made plans. The dinner had been simple to give ample time to each woman to utilize time for herself. The best part was that Alka Tai's sister in law had taken a keen interest in the gathering of 'all girl group' and had decided to join them. The sudden shift from family to women friends had been a big boost for every woman. The need to find mutual solution to their individual problems had given each woman a sense of independence as well as a sense of belonging in the crowd.

With this Alka Tai narrated all the happenings and a detailed description of all Ganpati idols and their decoration. I could only smile at her new found happiness and freedom.

Transition and Transformation

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The winter morning in Pune and a nice warm bed with a blanket is a sure shot bad combination for getting up and preparing tiffin for your kid and then rushing yourself to your office or through the daily chores. But duty calls and so with a mild reluctance, I got up, refreshed myself with a cup of piping hot ginger tea and woke up my teenage daughter. She too begged for another five minutes and finally got up mumbling something about mother and God being unfair to school children. A thought crossed my mind as to when my daughter would grow up and would get ready to face the new day as per her schedule on her own terms. Anyway, my thinking was cut short with the sound of the doorbell. "Ah, the milkman !", I said and brought the milk packets inside and kept it for boiling. At the same time, I had put the green chilies and fresh coriander in the idli batter for making 'appa'  or 'appe' which my daughter loved.

"Where is my uniform?, I can't find it .... ", my daughter's shrill voice brought an abrupt end to my routine kitchen work and I started in the direction of her room. "Oh, don't bother, I found it, why did you keep it in the upper shelf ? I have told you to keep it here not there, see now I am getting late...", her excuses and suggestions were left unanswered when the door of the bathroom closed. I hurried with a sigh of relief for my precious time would have been wasted in searching what at times is impossible for me to find, it being the handiwork of skilled craftsman at meddling things. The milk was now boiled and the appes were ready and packed in the lunch box along with the water bottle.

With this, we both sat down for plaiting my daughter's hair into nice two pigtails. This time is when my daughter enjoys the light massage and combing and feels comfortable only in her mother's style of plaiting. This is the time when she is the best child in the world and I am the best mother.

Waving good bye, we smile at each other and I remember the time 8 years back, when my five year old would wave good byes with prim and proper uniform, polished shoes and two well tied pony tails. At times, I had to help her climb into the van as there would be a heavy school bag on her delicate shoulders. How I admired all the children neatly seated with their spirit still trying to adjust to the new day ! A sense of deep love and admiration envelops the mother while watching the child learning to grow up in the world. This same situation is contradictory for a mother while receiving her nursery child back from school. Who would believe that this is the same group of school children seen in the morning ? With tempers soaring and hands going in all direction, not to mention few kids bawling and others looking with anticipation at their van uncle for some comfort. The girls would have their hair all flying in the air, their ribbons in their hand (that is better than losing the ribbons completely) and their face covered at times with tears or mud or paints (depends on their games and activities) ; the boys would look worse with their shirt buttons either undone or lost, their face and hands showing signs of some scuffle. 

Every mother literally scans her child coming out of the van to assess the mood and accordingly calm the fiery nerves; which at times is difficult. Most mothers wonder at whether the child is the same as the one who left for school in the morning ! Such a transformation is very difficult to digest indeed. The physical appearance along with the temperamental behavior is a big change to handle; but which after a good lunch which should mainly consist of their favorite snacks; again reverts back to the same gentle behavior. 

After a couple of years, the same child grows into a teenager with different set of problems where instead of the transformation taking dominance, it is more of a transition to a mature and responsible person. The two words have their own usage but in personal life, we exhibit both ie transformation and transition which is instrumental in defining and developing us in all facets and realities of life. 

Kolhatkari Thhecha

A woman after marrying into a family is first greeted from a bunch of eagerly waiting and inquisitive family members to bring the new bride into their fold. More easy is the situation when the new bride and groom are to shift to a new city for fulfilling the requirements of a demanding job of the groom. The situation is completely new for the bride; that of being now a married woman with the responsibility of a home and a new citizen with the need of adapting to the native culture and language.

I had the fortune of being one such juggling woman who was enjoying my marriage and attempting to be a good learner at cooking and adjusting to being in charge of the house; not to mention my juvenile attempts at learning Telugu and acquainting with new neighbors of the city of Secunderabad. Till then I was in a very different situation at my parents home where I was expected to only take care of my studies and later on a job and whatever personal jobs had to be done. Me and my sister would help out with household chores during the weekends and do some gardening too. This life had been much too relaxed; now I had to plan and execute everything, from arranging for the grocery to looking after the house. To make matters worse for me, my husband was excellent in cooking and would desire a sumptuous meal. I still struggle with this expectation !

Such were the initial days which soon changed after the arrival of our daughter. Our home was now full of activity and guest would come often to the delight of our new arrival. My in laws too shifted with us which was a big relief for me as being a full time mother without any help can be taxing. Our time in Secunderabad flew and our 18 month old daughter started picking up Telugu words from our neighbors. At times her gibberish talk made more sense to our neighbor, Murthi, a college student, than to us. Just when we were all settling down, my husband announced that he is taking up a lucrative job in Pune and we need to shift around Diwali. This came as a surprise and we were all eager to be in Pune where all our relatives have willingly settled. Now so many arrangements had to be done; the packing of all belongings, their transfer by road ways, booking railway tickets, preparing a baby bag full of things for the journey and so on. My mother in law also pointed out that we needed to stay at one of our relative's home as our daughter would need warm food every now and then.

A call to our uncle and aunt allayed all our apprehensions and it was decided that we would be staying with them for a couple of days till our truck would deliver us all our belongings. Calls were made to the movers and packers for their quotations and finally we decided upon one such person who assured us that he would pack and load all the articles in the truck before we started for the railway station. He also mentioned that the truck would take at least two days to reach Pune. And so the day arrived, with a big baby bag and so many suitcases, we all started for Pune after seeing our truck leave for its road journey with our belongings.

Our morning in Pune started with a piping hot cup of tea and 'poha' which refreshed our nerves after staying awake the whole night because of our baby crying and cringing at the sudden change in environment; from home to a railway coach. Aunt and Uncle put us at ease with a restful good nights sleep in a cozy bed. The next day was the time to expect the truck somewhere in the evening. So all carried about their work as usual. Our Uncle left with my father in law (Baba) for the bank on his twenty year old scooter, my husband went to his office and we were busy with the kitchen and food. After an hour, Uncle and Baba returned without the scooter due to some clutch and gear problem. The North Indian mechanic was known to Uncle and he assured him that once he had fixed the problem, he would contact Uncle by phone. With all this update, and a afternoon nap, we were drinking tea and speculating the arrival and the flurry of activity when our truck would come to Pune; how it would manage the heavy down pour; whether the furniture and things inside would get drenched; would the man be able to find his way through Pune city; and so on it went. This was when the phone rang.

"Hello, Kolhatkar sahab", said the voice on the other end.

"Ho bola, kon boltay (who's talking)", prompt was Uncle's reply.

"Sahab, gaadi ke baare mein bolna hai (I want to talk about the vehicle)".

"Ok, mein apne bhai ko phone deta hoon", so saying Uncle promptly handed the phone to Baba.

Baba, a born Puneite had stayed in Sadashivpeth and was eager to give the road directions to the truck driver for reaching our house. "Sahab gaadi ka buffer toot gaya hai, aur gaadi road ke side mein rakkhi hai. Gaadi ka saara saamaan dusri jagah nikaal ke rakkha hai. Durust karne ke liye paise chahiye. (Sir, the vehicle's buffer is broken and I have parked the vehicle near to the shop and on the roadside. I have also removed all the things from the vehicle and I need money for starting with the repair work.)"

"Arree samaan aise kaise dusri jagah par rakh diya aur woh bhi itni baarish mein ?  tula kahi akkal aahe ki nahi ?? Abhi koi samaan leke gaya toh hum kya karein ? Mujhe to pehle se hi lag raha tha ki tum barabar kaam nahi karoge..... Aur tum tumhare company ko bolo paise dene ke liye, hum to truck aane ke baad hi paise denge".

"Ji, par sahab, thoda to samaan hai, aur paise ke bina mein woh buffer kaise kharidoon ?", said the voice on the phone.

"Woh mein kuchh janta nahi, buffer toota hai toh tum dekho", said Baba with a firm voice.

"Par sahab .... woh.... gaadi,.... buffer......", the man on the other end staggered and his confusion was reflected in his thoughts and words.

At this point, nobody knew what could be done. I was worried about the house articles and furniture lying on the road, unattended. My mother in law was tense due to further delay in setting up the house. Uncle and Aunt were also perplexed as to how the customer could be bothered with such issues. All this time, my daughter was enjoying herself with the new set of dolls and cutlery that Aunt had given her.

My father in law could no longer continue his stern stand and thought it best to hand over the phone to me. Now I was also at an utter loss of words and problem fixing solutions. Still I managed to mumble, "Hello, yes, kya problem hua". To this the man immediately calmed down, "arrre Madam, mein mechanic bol raha hoon Raja Ram bridge wala, woh Kolhatkar sahab ne gaadi repair karne ko di thi, uska buffer toota hai, jo scooter mein samaan tha woh to nikal kar rakha hai, par ye sahab truck truck kya kar rahein hain ....... ", the voice on the other end suddenly generated a surge of joy and relief through me. I say joy because the problem was not a problem at all and relief because our household articles were not on the road side".

I voiced my thoughts aloud, "This man is not talking about the truck from Secunderabad but he is telling us about the scooter Uncle has left for repair work". The sound of loud laughter drowned my further instructions to the mechanic. After the call, we all analysed the entire conversation and laughed at how our mindset and expectations set the ground for misunderstandings.

This entire incident brought us all together as chirping little kids and I looked at my family in wonder and appreciation. This added spice to our lives and the Kolhatkari thhecha sure was well served. 

My First International Flight

"Hey Mom ! Pack my favorite toy !" called my daughter at the top of her voice. "You know, I cannot go to South Africa without 'Patch' !", was her soft explanation. I had no choice but to pack a small soft toy dog. I had strict instructions from my husband on what things he wanted after a gap of couple of months of enjoying the tastiest home cooked Indian dishes. My parents had their say of having me pack medicines, snacks to add to the heavy luggage. I had my views of packing some trendy clothes. And so it went, till the two bags were full and a third got added ! So many things to take care of, things had to be sorted as per hand bags and bags that would be handed to the airline.

All this packing and handling was onto me; my daughter being just a eight year old. But brave that she is, she told me "Hey mom, don't worry, I will carry one of the bags !". With her reassurance, we started off in our already booked airport pick up vehicle from Pune to Mumbai. Both of us were going abroad for the first time and it made us excited, nervous, apprehensive and a bundle of energy. We reached the airport and were directed to the luggage cart. "It doesn't move !". I applied all my strength. By that time, my daughter got curious and put her hand on the handle and the cart moved. Oh ! so this was the mechanism, off we went inside the airport through numerous gates and security checks, till we had nothing to do but wait for our flight and that too for three hours. In our excitement and over eagerness, we had reached early, had completed our formalities early and exhausted our energy early !

After a long wait, we found ourselves on the bus to the air plane. A short welcome and greetings, and both of us were comfortably seated with the window seat as a bonus. But then everything was dark due to the early morning flight. We enjoyed our one hour looking at people, the air hostesses, the food, the chairs, the instructions. And then, we watched a movie. People around us were sleeping soundly, but the two of us, try as we might, we could catch only the proverbial forty winks. The time difference added just the right ingredient to make us even more confused when we finally landed at Johannesburg. The fetching of our baggage which includes going to the particular 'carousel' and picking up our heavy bags was an activity where my daughter took full responsibility of spotting our bags and running with them !

The usual 'Hello', 'How are you ?'; sounded distant to me. Indians are used to not being greeted and here the two of were acknowledging some of the 'Hellos'. At the security check, I took time to adjust to the new accent and for once both of us wanted some hot 'upama' or 'poha'. Finally, after some quick steps we were there waiting for my husband at the circle. He was very happy to see the two of us all fit and fine and grinning from ear to ear. "Mom, now you need not worry. We are with Baba" said my daughter and I knew how right she was.

My first flight to South Africa was over and so were my apprehensions. We enjoyed our stay and the different food and the small garden in our courtyard added the colour to our trip.

Me - The Driver, and He - The Instructor

Different people have different phobias and lucky people have none. God surely knows how to come up with innovative phobias and make people name them. Luckily for me, He did not have to make a big effort. Like most women (let me exclude good and efficient women drivers), I had car driving phobia. For 33 years, I kept myself away from the driver's seat and was happy to be in the back seat, carefully trying to avoid my commenting on other drivers. Its not that I don't drive, in fact I drive to my place of work using a two wheeler, but driving a four wheeler was simply not my domain, or that is what I considered.

At times, I did try to imagine as the driver and came up with a smug feeling as to whether I was driving a car or the car was driving me ! Thats something quite fascinating. I am sure that all the scientists who engineered a 'driverless' vehicle got the idea from people like me.

But to cut the sorry state short, I had to learn driving if I wanted to be more independent in a foreign country, thats what my husband told me. I was simply afraid, its like asking a child to go in the dark and switch on the lights ! I was that child trying to run away from darkness, in the process forgetting to bring in the light. How true ! So many of us try to run away from our fear or our phobias and in the process, we also miss the better side. And I for one, did not want this to happen to me. I decided to grab the bull by its horn.

And so there I was holding the horn, oops the steering wheel of the car after duly completing all the enrollment formalities. I was told of my instructor, Ram by name. I was wondering if he would be those scolding types who would do me more harm than good. There he came, a short thin man with black thin sharp mustache, I would say not more than 30 years of age. I had a sinking feeling as I had a notion that all men with mustache were strict disciplinarian.

With a short crisp clear voice, Ram Sir, as I called him, repeated all the driving instructions; that I had already learnt in my theory class. I was the first student for the day starting at 7 in the morning, with a much lesser traffic and a cool breeze. But I was perspiring sitting with the driving wheel in my hand. But off I drove, taking a turn, putting the brakes, switching gears, looking in the rear view mirror, the list is endless; for all things require coordinated effort and I was enjoying it. I was happy that I DROVE the car, as I stepped out.

The next day proved to be quite good, I was able to take a U turn, change gears and then Ram Sir commented on the improvement. Next he asked me to park the car behind another car and apply the clutch and brake. The bumbling fool I was, I hit the accelerator instead. "Excellent !" was all that my instructor commented. This made me take a resolve not to commit the mistake again.

Who would know, I would invent other bumbling areas ? The next day saw me with a stiff steering wheel, to which Ram Sir coolly said that I need to let go off the wheel and let it steady itself. This made me take a resolve not to commit the mistake again.

Hopefully, I did well on the 4th day and Ram Sir asked me to take the fourth gear. "THE FOURTH GEAR?" Oh, I was nervous as hell. "So do you think the sound has changed ?" asked Ram Sir. "Yep, it does", was my quick reply to hide my ignorance of the effect of the gear. "Well, I have a sore throat!", said Ram Sir. "Hey ! I thought you were talking of the car......... " was all that I could mutter and see Ram Sir comfortably enjoying the joke. After that, even I could not control my laughter and driving further became more fun.

The fifth day proved me as a good student, but not one without faults. I had started getting used to listening to my teacher's instructions and acting accordingly. Ram Sir mentioned before a crossing to see the road and take a good judgement. I like a fool, simply started to see in all directions ! "Hey, you need to just take a view, not enjoy the view !", said Ram Sir. 'Very clever', I thought.

Writing all these humorous incidents, made me wonder of my instructor's role; 'Isn't God doing the same?', I thought. God lets you take your decisions and lead your life, but at the same time, it is He who gives us the directions. It is under His guidance that we take the course that we have already taken, the path that we have already travelled. At times, God puts a difficult situation before us and lets us react; at times he makes us laugh by allowing us to enjoy the journey; but the most important thing to remember is that He is there for us all.

My instructor taught me many things as far as driving is concerned, but the biggest thing that I learnt was trusting myself with the knowledge that GOD is there for me. The past few months had been difficult for me and my husband due to job pressure, but the driving lessons taught us to trust God and follow His directions.

Save for a rainy day !!

The little girl in red and white frock, jumped in the puddle; with muddy water splattered all over her. The sweet smile and water dripping from her curly black hair, added to make the picture perfect. The rain also danced to her steps and the rain drops falling on the puddle, rose higher and higher to touch her and be close to the child and shield her from the wind; wanting to blow the clouds away.

My daughter's excited voice brought me back to my warm home. Her wide eyes showed delight and excitement at having got up from her afternoon sleep to find the rain and all the excited children dancing and playing on the ground below. The sweet smell of wet earth was still fresh in the house.

'Can I go out and play ?' asked my daughter, excitedly. And out she went on hearing a yes and seeing a smile on my face.

I watched my daughter and all her friends having a nice time in the rain, getting wet and splashing in the water and a different look on their face. Even the trees and plants sported a new look. The flowers were also dancing to the tune of the raindrops. The wet grass shone like a green carpet and the grass blades trying to stay afloat the rain water. The birds were all grooming themselves and having a bath, the animals looking silently at the rain.

The rains had finally arrived to the dry region and arrive they did with a full thunderous shower.

I hurried in the kitchen to make some hot pakoras. They are expected at such times and I could already get a faint smell coming from the kitchen belonging to my neighbour. My daughter would surely hurry up and ask for a plateful.

By the time, my work was done, it was already over 2 hours since the rain started. I sat down on the cozy sofa and looked out of the window. The kids were now collectively working out some game and trying to build a barricade to trap the water. I wished to go out and play with the children. 'What is it that stops me ?' I wondered.

I went down to call my daughter for some hot pakoras. She looked at me with water dripping and her face lighting up with joy. 'Come on Aai ', she called out to me and came running towards me, to hold my hand and drag me into the cool and happy moments of getting drenched with water and mud and the joy of playing in the puddle.

All the kids gathered and around and we all played 'Ringa ringa...'The happiness was manifold and made me realise that I would rather save my mature behaviour for a rainy day than miss this joy away!